Synopsis: In Season 3, episode 2: “‘The Stingers Hit Town,’ Riot wants Jem to leave Rio for him, and Eric Raymond is willing to do anything to get The Stingers to sign with his company. Meanwhile, Pizzazz is still lovesick over Riot and has to choose between him and The Misfits.”
Stay tuned for an action packed episode.
Episode 55 (S3E2) is written by Christy Marx. This week’s Show Notes were written by Tempest.
We open where we left off last week: Jem getting kissed by Riot. He actually gets in a bit of tongue action before Jem pushes him away, saying “I can’t do this. I can’t.”
Riot is bad at taking no for an answer. He says he is the perfect man, she is the perfect woman, and they belong together. Uh huh. Jem says they gotta go.
Jem brings up Jerrica’s offer again and Riot mollifies her by saying he’ll take a look at it. As they’re driving back home, Riot says that He Must See Her Again while kissing her hand. Jem says, “How can I resist?”
Y’all, this woman flip flops more than the footwear of the same name. One second she’s pushing him away, the next second she’s all charmed by him. She seems unconcerned with his lack of consent boundaries.
Meanwhile, Rio and Minx have been club hopping, looking for Jem and Riot. Rio is piiiiisssed and ready to go home, Minx is still desperately throwing herself at him. After he tells her no for the 17 billionth time, she yells that he will never get Jem back from Riot because Riot is too perfect, then she goes home in a cab because that’s what you do when a man won’t let you climb into his pants.
At the Gabor estate, Pizzazz is stressed to hell because Riot isn’t back yet. So many people with the same feelings in this episode. Rapture says she can show Pizzazz the way to win him by doing exactly what she says. When the other Misfits object, Pizzazz shoves poor Stormer and tells her to shut up. Wow. Pizzazz is deep in.
Of course, Rapture being the sociopath she is forces Pizzazz to wear a ridiculous babydoll dress and do up her hair like… I don’t even know what to call that. She claims this will make her look innocent and pure, which will appeal to Riot. Then Rapture blends up a concoction that is designed to make Pizzazz throw up, which she then does. Why did she drink a thing that included raw eggs, raw liver, carrots, sugar, olive oil, and a “Roma” love powder? Pizzazz should be able to spot this bullshit right off, but as the first song points out, she is Lovesick.
Misfits music video: “Lovesick.”
The other Misfits peace out, as they can’t stand to see Pizzazz like this.
Minx gets back and she’s mad about Rio but her mood quickly turns to mirth when she sees Rapture putting ridiculous makeup on Pizzazz. She knows her bandmate well enough to figure out what’s going on: that Rapture is doing this just to amuse herself. So she joins in.
They get Pizzazz to cross everything–her legs, her arms, her fingers, her eyes-and chant Riot Will Love Me. There is nothing sadder than this for Pizzazz.
Riot walks in on this madness and at first is all: WTF? But then he also gets what’s going down after some silent pantomime from his bandmates and joins in. Because he’s a narcissistic sociopath as well. He tells Pizzazz she looks strangely alluring, then that he’ll see her at breakfast, and then snags Rapture and Minx to talk.
Meanwhile, back at Starlight Mansion, Rio and the Holograms are worried about Jem. Well… Rio is worried. He’s ready to call cops. Shana tells him to Netflix and Chill, but since Netflix hadn’t been invented yet Rio continues to stress.
Jem arrives home with the most insufferable attitude ever. She just breezes in saying it’s a lovely night, like she don’t know Rio and possibly a Hologram or two might have wondered where she’s been. Because he’s Rio, he gets all pissed. They have the following ridiculous argument:
Rio: I was worried senseless about you!
Jem: I don’t see why? I can take care of myself.
Rio: Well I don’t like it, I don’t like Riot, and I don’t like what he’s doing to you.
Jem: At least he accepts me for what I am. Riot likes my… mystery.
You get the feeling that this fight isn’t about tonight, but about their entire relationship?
Jem makes an ironic statement that Riot isn’t moving in next door, so what’s the big deal? Oh hey, what’s that sound? It’s the doorbell! Who could it be at 2am? OH, IT’S RIOT.
Yeah, the Stingers show up with their luggage because Jerrica invited them to come stay and that’s still okay, isn’t it? Kidding, they don’t ask that. They don’t care if it’s okay.
Riot is happy to see Jem again, and Minx is happy to see Rio again. Joy all around. Jem even gets really snotty hearing that Rio was out clubbing with Minx and acts as if that means allowing Riot to paw all over her in front of him is okay. Even though Rio does a valiant job of trying to tell the truth, Jem is still a jerk to him so he leaves.
At this point one might almost feel sorry for Rio.
Aja, who has been the only smart person so far, calls the rest of the episode: “The Stingers are going to be nothing but trouble, I just know it.”
The Misfits bring Eric to the Gabor estate to witness Pizzazz’s transformation. She seems fine at first, but when she kisses him on the check Eric knows something is very wrong with her. But that’s not his concern right now. He needs to talk to Riot… who is not in the mansion. Oop. Eric figures that the dude did a dine n dash and says that they need to do something spectacular to get Riot’s attention. Pizzazz is down, the other Misfits want none of it. They lay down an ultimatum: Start acting like a Mistfit again or the group is finished. Eric asks her: do you want the Misfits or do you want Riot? Pizzazz chooses Riot.
Oh how the mighty have fallen.
The next morning the Stingers are coming down to breakfast, complaining about the noise of a hundred feet, and then those hundred feet show up. The Starlight Girls arrive and act as if they have no home training — which they don’t — and accost the group before they can even properly get down the stairs. They want autographs and isn’t Riot so cute and they are shoving each other. It’s not a good look.
Jerrica shows up to admonish them in the weakest terms possible. I think she expects Riot and the Stingers to react the way most other people do to these girls: to think them adorable and sweet. The Stingers are like: get these tiny animals away from us.
Riot just wants the kids to leave him alone. Cut to a series of unfortunate events. Ashley spills a grape soda on Riot’s jacket, making him furious. Minx sees Krissy painting and tells the girl that her picture is “terrible” and that Americans have no talent. She even tosses the art on the ground! Rapture somehow intuits that Terri, the foster girl from the Halloween episode, is the weakest link and scares her by saying she’s a werewolf and will bite her at the next full moon.
The girls all run away crying and the Holograms have to comfort them and yell at the Stingers. Guess who doesn’t even care?
The Holograms compare notes and decide that Minx and Rapture are as bad as Riot. Aja has had enough of this and she leads them out to the pool to confront the Stingers and call them egotistical snobs. Riot doesn’t even deny it, he just starts singing a song about how they ain’t never gonna change. And then he pushes Aja in the pool.
The Stingers music video: “Take It Or Leave It.”
Jerrica is talking to Riot in her office and she asks him why he’s acting this way. Riot informs her he came there to do business and not cater to the whims of little girls. Legit. That doesn’t explain why he’s pushing people in the pool, though. He’s considering the offer from Starlight Music, which is not as generous as Eric’s. Jerrica tries again to convince him that Eric’s promises are bull and that she will give him a fair and equitable deal and also that Jem really wants him to sign with them. He shoos her out of her own office so he can think.
The Holograms meet her outside, looking for an update. Jerrica then says something that encapsulates everything wrong with everything in this entire scenario:
I don’t understand. When I’m Jem, he’s almost irresistible. But when I’m Jerrica, he’s so aloof. It’s as though there were a light shining inside of him that he can turn on and off at will.
Seriously, Jerrica? You’re just now noticing this?
Riot emerges and seems about to say he will sign with Starlight Music when they hear a noise outside. Eric has brought a mob to the mansion. An actual, factual mob. They break down the gate. There are elephants. Eric announces that this is the kind of thing he can do for Riot, which impresses the egomaniac within. He then offers to give Riot half of his record company, which he’ll rename Stinger Sound, which impresses the capitalist without. Will Jerrica match that offer?
Kimber says not to. But everyone acts as if only Jerrica gets a say. She thankfully says no and Riot goes off with Eric.
At Starlight Music, Jerrica is super sad because they won’t double their income with the Stingers. Rio tries to comfort her, but recognizes that the deal meant a lot to her. Riot calls from his new office and says only one person can change his mind: Jem. Back to the wind harp!
Jem arrives and it is windy as fuck, yet we do not hear the harp. Perhaps because there is too much drama and it was busy listening.
With everyone’s hair whipping in the wind, Riot reveals that he doesn’t like or trust Eric, but knows how to handle men like him. However, he’ll give it up and sign with Starlight Music if Jem becomes “completely his” and never sees Rio again. Rio arrives, not to fight for Jem, but to give her up, saying he’ll go away forever.
Damn, it’s what we’ve always wanted. But at what cost?
Jem freaks out, saying she thinks he means it. Riot shows his lack of boundaries again, grabbing and kissing her. Jem makes the first good decision of the episode and slaps him, then runs after Rio, screaming his name.
Rio drives off.
But she finds him at the burnt out remains of the first Starlight House. He looks so sad there, reminiscing.
Jem runs into his arms and tells him “I never seem to do anything right” — wow, so on point — “But I couldn’t lose you like that.” Riot’s charm blinded her to his sociopathy, but now she sees it and she’s done with him. They kiss and make up.
The Stingers finally sign the papers and they own a record company. They won. Except Riot didn’t win, Jem isn’t his. He’s not gonna stop until she is. Oh, and also he asks Pizzazz to get the Misfits back together and cut an album for him. So she crawls back to the others, who had been missing her, and they kiss and make up.
Rio and Jem come back to the mansion and it’s clear they’re back together. This is glorious. Time for a song.
Jem and the Holograms music video: “Now.”
This one is by all the bands together, a triumphant song about how nothing can beat them, they will never be torn asunder, and they will rock and roll.
Present: Aleen Simms, K. Tempest Bradford.
- S3E2: “The Stingers Hit Town (Part 2)”
- “Love Sick”
- “Take It Or Leave It”
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